Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
