More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
