I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
