Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
