just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
