I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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