i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
