I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
