If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
