everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
