Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
