Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
