My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
