I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
