I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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