Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
