Welp...herpes.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
