so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
