all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
