She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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