You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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