Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
