If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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