Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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