I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
