i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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