Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
