bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
