dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
