you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
