It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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