shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
