I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
