I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
