Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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