your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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