Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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