I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
