Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
