if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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