she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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