Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
