kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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