he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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