Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
