38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
