CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
