its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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