It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
