were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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