Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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