She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
