hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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